Well I haven't really been saying too much on here since Kelly went back overseas. I have been trying to keep it light, posting a random pic here and there, but just haven't felt up to writing anythng substantial.
The month since Kelly left has been a hard one. I felt "strong" and like I could handle everything the 1st 8 months he was gone. I was positive, enthusiastic, maybe even a bit proud of myself for "keeping the fires burning" at home. The children were thriving, and between school, Julia's sports, the gym, our Church, and our family and friends we were always busy and engaged with life. I figured if I just kept going, going, going all the time I wouldn't think about how sad it was that our little family had to be apart for an entire year.
When Kelly came home for R&R, I was finally able to relax a bit and it was so amazing to have him there. It was almost like I had forgotten what it was like to be a complete person. I was sleeping anywhere from 6-9 hours at night when he was back, and became aware of how little sleep I get when he is gone. On a typical night, I can't fall asleep until 2 am at the earliest, and have to get up around 6:30 to get ready for the day, get the kids up and dressed, and to take Julia to school. I just can't seem to shut my mind off at night, I just lay in bed and get more anxious and wound up, and I have to get up for a while.
After Kelly left again I hit a wall of sorts. I just couldn't seem to get back to the place I was before the R&R. I was just completely unmotivated, an impatient mother, and I put back on 6 of the 30 lbs that I had managed to lose last year. I have been having a hard time getting up in the morning.
Even worse, the kids hit their wall at the same time as I did. We had lucked out before that we would go through our tough times at different points. Julia really regressed after Kelly left. She went back to school and did great the 1st week back but after that - I don't want to say too much but let's just say it turned into a nightmare every day trying to get her to go to school. She kept trying to convince me to homeschool her. The kids were constantly at each other's throats, which is unusual for them. I really felt like I was losing control of the situation. The last couple of weeks we have just basically been mucking through our lives.
Well I am happy to report that we are all doing a lot better. Things have gradually been getting back to normal the last few days. Last night I was able to fall asleep around midnight and I woke up before my alarm this morning and felt pretty refreshed. The kids woke up, got dressed without complaint, and played together and shared their toys with each other in a very sweet and loving way. I was able to take Julia to school and she didn't cry and beg me not to leave her.
I feel that spring in my step has returned, our routine is back to normal, I am super organized once again. About a week ago, I decided that even if I was miserable I needed to get control of my eating habits again, and have already lost the 6 lbs I picked up.
Thank you to all the family and friends who have helped us through this tough time. I am so grateful we made the desicion to move back to Fresno while Kelly was away. I am SO glad we didn't remain in Florida.
